Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Dachshund Patience Test

We have devised a dachshund patience test. No, the test does not test how much patience a dachshund has, it tests how much patience Mom has. We think we may have found out exactly how much she has 'cause she seems to be running out.

Here are the steps to test patience:

Start barking 30 minutes to one hour before Mom usually wakes up to get ready for work.

When it is raining, don't go outside. Let Mom go outside and try to coax you out but stand at the door and stare at her.

When you finally decide to go outside, start barking at everything. Make sure you make plenty of noise so the neighbors will all know that you are outside.

Stand under her feet as she makes breakfast for you so you can trip her.

Don't pee or poop outside but wait until Mom's attention is focused somewhere else, like putting something into the washing machine or the dryer, and pee a river on her floor.

After Mom cleans up the floor and washes her hands and decides to make a meal for herself, follow her everywhere so she trips about once in every three steps.

Stare at Mom the entire time she is eating. Bark loudly. Nudge her with your nose.

Try to climb into the dishwasher when she is loading the dishes.

When she gets home from work, repeat all of the previous steps.

When she settles down to rest and watch a TV show, start running around and barking non-stop.

We have determined that when the patience runs out, the subject either forces us outside or sends us to bed.

Now this part is very important! Do not skip this or there will be trouble. You must wag your tail and cuddle up next to her the first chance you get. Give her your best cute and lovable look. This is how to restore patience.

Then you can test her all over again!


Cubby said...

More tests:
1. Get in the refrigerator whenever it opens (similar to dishwasher trick.)
2. Bark whenever mom gets on the phone.
3. Get the leash tangled in your legs during a walk
4. Stop suddenly or walk slowly during the walk
5. Eat the cheese mom just grated on the table
6. Lick yourself incessantly
7. Close one eye whenever mom takes a picture (Dakota's best trick)

Zach said...

I wanna play too!
1. Put toys in her lap whenever she is on the phone.
2. Push by her when she is going down the stairs to see if you can knock her down. (that's a Chani thing)
3. Beg for attention like crazy.

Jill said...

LOL! Sounds like something Daisy would do. I , on the other hand, am much too regal for that.

Woofs, Daisy and Lady

Jason said...


Buster the Wired Fox Terror said...

Wow so cuddling is like putting it all on rewind?

Bussie Kissies

Dachsies Rule said...

We are really glad we posted the test. You have given us some great new ideas to add! We probably need to work on that cute and lovable look too, if we are going to have so many good steps in the test.

Roxie, Sammy & Andy

Zeus said...

This sounds so familiar. I think I might be part Dachshund because I do all of these things too - well, with the exception of peeing outside. However, I trip my human pet up every morning while she makes coffee, and as she walks throughout the house, I walk in between her legs so she almost falls. It's hilarious!

You're absolutely right though: All it takes is a cute look, and the patience comes right back. It's amazing!

Ivy said...

tee hee! you guys are all such trubble-makers! let me add mine to the list:

1. wait til the peepol haf just finished folding theyr clothes on the bed and then jump up and run around all over the clothes.

2. wen the peepol are sleeping and you want some food just quietly lick theyr hands until they decide to feed you.

3. wen it is raining outside go in and out as much as possible to make the floor nice and muddy like the outside.

Isabella said...

Loved your list- I am going to have to try some of those. My favorite is to get up on the furniture to throw up- hee hee!
Big Wags,

Cairo The Boxer said...

What about getting a squicky when they are watching their favorite TV show. That one drives my parents CRAZY!!!

Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

Ohhhhh, I am going to print this out and study it so I can try it out over the weekend. I will let you know how I go :-)